i had a talk with afiq today. a not so good one.

he made me think through a few qns that i have asked him.

but i dont know, some of them are crazy.

i dont know who to believe.

you said i always want so many things without thinking

of how a person needs to go through for it. Sometimes, i feel like you do not know me.

Also, you say that i step all over you. Again, i feel like you do not know me.

There are a million ppl out there who would be okay with how i act.

there are a million ppl out there who would think im far better.

but u stupid fool, voce nao sabe que eu quero sou voce?

I Know there is a difference to love and to posess.

but with you, i dont think i have mastered it yet.

that is why i want to let go

but i cant now can i?

"The gun shot sounded subdue

the wind it howled

move on to greener patches

or have i moved on to square one

to be mine confider

to be mine soul-binder

to be mine dream crasher

to be mine dream catcher

the gun shot sounded raucous

the wind it yawned"

-Stephanie Gomes Tay.

23 DAYS TILL Os END!

COME ON CLASSMATES, COUNTDOWN WITH ME.

oooh i cant wait.

hubba hubba.

since i started my Os on the right foot, i felt motivated as hell today.

i went home and i didnt even slp.

nah uh.

i got ready and met aysha, her sis ikah and her guy friend/tutor for the day to study some english and maths and geog for myself over at civic.

hopefully i ace english tml.

cause although english is my flair, its unpredictable.

IT TURNS ITS BACK ON YOU WHENEVER .

anyways, whoever u are who doesnt read this i bet, u owe me an explaination. weekend lastest!

humfph.

if Os is gg to be this manageable for all papers, and the benchmark isnt pushed up skyhigh,

MASS COMM, come to mamacita!

hah.

last night i thought that i was doomed for chemistry.

thank God i didnt give up.

i met up with aysha and aini at KFC before the paper and so much was absorbed in 3 microscopic hours.

i dont think im gonna score for it but i have a strong feeling i will pass which is already a miracle for someone who

a) abhores chemistry

b) has not studied nuts for it

c) abhores chem

d) didnt know how to balance equations till mid june.

im so happy im gonna cry.

BYE. IM GONNA go write in my diary.

NOT.

haha.

I MISS YOU.

PRESENTING

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

KAY, ME.

aysha had invited me to her aunts place for raya.

the food was GOOD.

and err, i was forced into karaok-ing!

malay songs mind you.

i think birds that flew by that house might have their eardrums exploded.

then we played some games, i forgot the name

i think its called congkak.

its either that or i just memorised some horror movie's name cause i know there is a indon movie with this name right?

rar rar rar.

why dont we converse?

why cant u be a man and just tell me and mae so we can fix things together?

mae i know hope for it is bleak and i dont blame u.

and you, why do u pretend everything is alright?

thats just too bad cause i know, mae knows.

everyone does.

this is so stupid.

u said only ppl from broken homes are so, so broken inside and resort to rebel.

does that mean i can be one now?

how could u have just thrown my future down the drain just for your WANTS.

god, can u hear me?

i hope for better days.

and Lord, give me strength.

'' I can do everything through Him who gives me strength" - Philippians 4:13

this was a vent post. so dont ask me why i wrote this.

i wont ans. get it.

and FUCK HSA!

10/10/08 was farah's bday. i had a hell of a time!

first, we headed to seoul garden at marina square and ate our hearts out.

there is this thing where u need to pay $5-100gm for leftover food so what we did was we stuffed some food in between the pot.

ok ppl, NEVER DO THIS.

we went to get ice cream and were happily eating (i had a combination of yam and choc mint icecream with nata de coco and saga seeds) this is what happens when one has too much food- and the waiter came to take the pot away.

behold the burnt pieces of meat and what-not.

my face was flushing red uh.

we finished up our icecream even before u could say holymatrimony.

and dashed out.

we sat at marina steps for like 5 mins just to fag and decided to head to haji lane to sheesha.

we played taboo (the best game ever) and slacked slacked slacked till about11.3o.

then we headed home.

woo hoo.

one happy day indeed.

me being happy.

seoul garden

some random pics from aini's almost-happened bday party.

The last day of my secondary school dawned upon me today. how overwhelming it was.

We had normal lessons until 11.30 and the classroom was poorly decorated with balloons.

'A' for effort to whoever did it though.

After lessons were done, we had a small but meaningful grad ceremony in the hall. This was what brought all the girls to tears and everyone's heart sank.

Oh how i will miss these past 5 years of mine life!

The best, the worst, all experienced in a flash of light.

To my classmates, i will miss each and every single one of you.

Invite me to your weddings cause mine will be in Bali and you would want to go to Bali would'nt you :) ? Sigh.

On a lighter note, tomorrow is Farah's birthday and our dress code is *drumroll*..........

DRESSES!

how cute of them.

And with that, i end my entry for today.

nanee's bday.

but the bday girl was out of sight!tsk.

but i still enjoyed my day.

its just a pity that we couldnt carry out our surprise.

that's right nanee, we had a surprise all planned out ):

maybe next yr?

with one less person, what are we, girls to do with the cake?

we gorged ourselves of course (:

i ♥ the motivational workshop conducted today.

i am all pumped up again.

im so excited for the study session we're gonna have at aysha's crib later today

not to mention, a beloved girlfriend's bday today ey.

shall elaborate more later.

anyhoos, today, after ending our workshop earlier than expected, we played some volleyball among ourselves(classmates) then, upon reaching home, i resisted the temptation to slp and met up with the girls to head to old woodlands to get aysha's stud.

the guy at the store actually asked me to work there.

i was like "err.. see first."

he said i needed to overcome critism cause the woman from the other stud shop, actually gosssips and says the salegirls from his shop are prostitutes.

talk about gossiping at its best :s

then, we headed to cwp to get a few things and spent our last "SLACK DAY" at civic.

oh and something happened today.

im so disheartened.

boooo.

but it's for the best.

so i'll keep my head high.

OMFG. i promised myself to sleep early today.

im developing eyebags.

so thats all for now.

BYE.

NO MAN IS WORTH A WOMAN'S TEARS except for t.i

i am so pissed~

and i so dont want to talk about it

NABEY!

know what? i dont fucking care.

cause im going to spend the day with my girls and everything is going to be A-OK.

nbey. ikah was right.what do u want with us? (inside convo.)

anyway, today so doesnt seems to be going my way.

over at aini's house, i was having the worst period cramps of my life.

its the utmost type of period cramp a girl can EVER have.

if i could rate it out of 10, i'd rate it 100000.

and than since i didnt bring my pink pills, aini suggested i rub some malay oil thingy.

its something like merah kudeh.

red horse? IDK UH.

but it so helped for like 5 seconds. the burning sensation made me lose focus of the pain.

but then it came back again like a permanent magnet unable to get de-magnetised.(?!)

KAY BYE.!

its RAYA and what's a girl to do when all her friends are out celebrating?

TSK.

im borreeeddd.