I don't like the fact that i'm such a different person around you.
I feel like i'm 'negative steph'
I'll turn to someone that i would never wish of becoming.
You don't bring out the best in me.
And i don't like it
i really dont like it.
I feel like i worry about stupid things from the past and stupid things that will never occur in th future and if it will, it will only occur if i left you.
Something has got to change. Please.. me or you.. we can't go on this way.
I...I feel like calling it quits sometimes, and this isn't something i would be proud of cause it would mean that i had bad judgement.
How? This is a problem i would never thought of encountering.
I am the most insecure person around you and that must change.

i hope you read this in time.

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
Your views on education :

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:

You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy.
How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Today was spent on a i-have-not-seen-and-bitched-around-with-my-goodfriend-for-a-year-so-i'm-doing-that-now-bonding session with Vanessa. Mom has been pestering me to go have dinner at her restaurant and since most of my friends are malays and th food there isn't halal, i decided to bring Vanessa. I can gladly say i have converted Vanessa into a brazilian at heart. haha. The food there was so good, no doubt and i was so full cause it was an ALL YOU CAN EAT buffet. Had fun uh.. That's really all for today.

I'm gg to have breakfast at Ya Kun Kaya Toast tml morning and i can't wait! i can't resist these kaya-butter lightly toasted to perfection bread.

And omg, i'm having hate tag! This shall be interesting...

Bye, say bye bye giogio!

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY IS IT LIKE THIS WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHYWHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ?

Imagine all the explosions we could be having right now.

I'm missing you a little more than usual.

SIGHHHHHHHHHH.

I met up with vanessa (omg right?) today. If you all alr don't know, vanessa is this very good friend of mine since sec 1 and we had a big tiff and didnt talk for like one year and idk why but we met today and went shopping. haha. wth right? But it's great to have mine friend back.

She's still the same as ever. Really xiong and nosey and funny.

We went to the new Sembawang Shopping Ctr and walked around and i concluded a few things today.

1. I want a hamster. It's $20++ dollars.

2. I love my new shoe.

3. I have been misssing in love but i came back and males have still remained th same.(idk what i just typed really)

4. I need a job , still.

I am feeling down.

alright then, im gg off to fag and ponder on life's many mysteries.

Hello world. I'm back after a week or so (?) of not blogging. These past few days have been really hard on me cause i was very very very very sick, I think the sickest i felt my whole life? Wait, no.. nothing beats the 'fake-appendix' incident which was also the same reason which led me to being this sick.

It all started like last week(?) when i met my BBGs and BBBs. I had this excruciating backache which is funny because in a way, it was bearable. Somewhere along the way, i started to have a fever and decided to head home and the weather was so not helping uh(raining). Ok shiet, i think i am being too long-winded so i'll just cut to the chase; I went to the docs and turns out i have an infection which was causing my back to ache and my fever shot up to 40 degress for 3 consecutive days. There was a point where i was even wanting so badly to go to the hospital or get an injection to numb me or something. Yes it was hell. So that's why i was M.I.A. I'll follow up with the doctor this coming 19th.

Moving on, i met up with Aysha, Farah, Ikah & Athirah on wed. Initial plans were to catch a movie but Aysha and i were both late plus other reasons so it was cancelled. Had dinner at KFC after so long and i was so satisfied with my meal. Met haziq for a while and then we headed home. Oh, by the way, Haziq's off to serve the country. HAHA. Good luck boy. Army life isn't necessarily a bed of roses.

--- I know now. I'm not looking for love. I'm in fact looking for lust and infatuation. I want rollercoaster feelings. Jitters. Butterflies in my twisted stomach. My heart to thump so fast, it goes on the verge of exploding. And i don't care. I'm young and i want to feel these until i can. I'm only 17 once and i deserve my teenhood. woo hoo! ----

And to reply to these taggers on the subject of:

bisexualism : No i am not but i have had thoughts of it and i think it is really sexy. But being a butch, really isn't.

Aysha and i : We had a tiff .

Which reminds me, i need to vent this out.

First of all, i never confirmed i was gg. The only time i said ok was days before the event. The day before i reconfirmed and said i wasn't sure. On the day itself, i was penniless and its not nice to let aunty apple to pay for my fare. I'm not saying im right because i am not for not being clear. Also, aren't you being such a black pot for calling the kettle black( or whatever way this metaphor goes) ? Remember the sentosa incident? u stood me up too. I wasn't being a bitch about it now was i? I understand you met me after that but the fact that u still didnt go to sentosa with us does cound for something. I know you are gg through alot in your life with boys and your dad etc but please have some decency to think first. I'm still here when u cool off. This is just so petty and it really is a microscopic issue. PULEASE, i aint got the time for this.

BYE BYE WORLD.

I'm baccckk.
I shall try to provide a full blog post while chewing on my strawberry Pocky's.

Moving wayyy back onto last thurs( geez i have not blogged for an entire week!),

Mr moozie here, returned from his Brunei trip and had many stories to tell.

I was a little disappointed ):

I expected a scenario where i would run and jump on him and he would hug me and we would twirl around but i knew it was too unrealistic so i settled for a simple hug but let's just say that was too unrealistic too.

Moving on, i didnt't sleep the night before i picked him( at 7.30am, which means i left home at 6) so on the ride back home, i tried to sleep but i couldn't because of the sunlight but the both of them( him and sis) pigged all the way. Upon reaching woodlands, we went back to his house and he unpacked bla bla bla, talked somemore and we watched Penelope. We wanted to watch Norbit after that but i was too tired and so i fell aslp. I forgot what happened after i woke up ( what? it's one week ago!) I think we drank or something cause he bought a few bottles of liquor.

Friday, was spent on.. i forgot too.

Now saturday, we went to Yishun to watch Marley & me. Can i say this is the best movie ever? Seriously, i guess its cause i am a HUGE animal lover but it is the best movie ever! Its ranked under my fav movie ever now. And something silly happened that ended up in me sitting on one side of the row and moozie on the ever. I was very pissed. Moving on back to the movie, it is so great, its like those kind of movies which have an impact on you and after the movie when everyone got up to leave, i just sat there, catching my breath and trying to look cool and not like i have just finished crying. Then we had dinner at Long John's so ... yeap.

Sunday was awesome, Moozie and i headed to Sentosa and wanted to just chill and relax but the weather was so not on our side and so it started raining. Heavily. For over an hour. So we sat at sapphire pavillion and chat. and chat, and played games, and then headed to vivo when i asked if he was going to be late for book in and that little clown was not booking in on Sunday but on Monday. I know it seems like i have been spending the whole week with Moozie but he had just returned from a 2-week-long-hell-of-a-ride in Brunei.

MONDAY: stayed at his place, went to CWP for a while to exchange my nail polish set and had lunch at some coffeeshop. i miss having kaya bread with butter. yummay.

TUESDAY: I met my friends! Like finally, i brought mom's lappy down and we had a 5 sec fun with the webcam( it was so dark) and we took sooo much photos.

And Aysha got me this for no reason! HAHA. she is just cute like that. Thanks girl. It's really soft and nice to sleep in and its the kind of apparel where u dont ever wanna take off. You wanna curl up in it forever. heh.

Oh, afiq joined us with his beautiful gf soo after. Aren't they so sweet? They are so romantic and lovey-dovey all the time. I'm so envious.

My wednesday was spent at home. I cleaned my room, played with giogio, fed some chicken cookie to her, and watched tv and ate mom's home cooked brazilian food! Like finally!!!!!!

Today (5th march)

The girls are gg to come over to my place to have a manicure/pedicure session! Then we are heading to CWP for dinner.

and......... HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY LIYANA SLASH NEIGHBOUR SLASH BUDDY

MUACKS!