but what if there were more to this.

2011-10-25T16:46:00.006+08:00

2011-09-30T02:17:00.002+08:00

Hi whoever who still visits this blog, I, the owner of this blog, am no longer using this space. I have come to this sad, but much needed solution to get myself another blog because i feel like i have changed so much, and i feel that i just need something fresh. This blog will not be deleted because of its fond memories and i will read it from time to time when i'd like to reminisce. If you'd like to view my newer blog, it's www.wishfxlthinking.blogspot.com

Bye :'(

2011-03-01T01:42:00.002+08:00

Nice twist.

2011-02-23T04:36:00.002+08:00

Whenever it rains, i would stare out of my window and dream of all that could be.

Oh how i wish i knew and thought it'd be that easy.

We all know the rules of life, well most of us do.

Live it with no regrets but hell, it's tough to go through,

and to be the bigger person and say, "yeah, no regrets"

I've learnt, yes, i've learnt.

Some pages, i wish i could burn

I didn't need all that hurt

Maybe one day, I would realise i did need it to grow.

2011-02-14T04:13:00.000+08:00

I know what I'm gg to do, I'm going to suck it up and be happy already! Who cares if I fail? Its better than not trying at all, and who's gg to keep pushing me or advising me? No one but myself, might as well get used to it, cause even though no man is island, ironically, in the end, we still are.

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2011-02-12T07:13:00.000+08:00

I had a dream about laughing in the rain and I thought to myself, "How wonderful, my dreams are better than... than.. this."

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2011-02-12T07:09:00.000+08:00

I wish that when we went to school, we were taught that one day, we'll lose someone we love so much, a pet/ loved one/ parents etc because it would happen somehow or rather without a doubt, and there would be lessons on how to cope with that. How to be happy. Whats the point of teaching me th beauty of science and how the world revolves and maths and how it helps abundantly in almost everything, English and how it makes communication so much easier, when you can't put whatever talent u have into your passion because you're not happy and you don't feel motivated. And please enlighten me, if u can't be happy, what else is there? Isn't happiness th ultimate goal or smth.

Guess I never learnt how not to be a pessimist either and YouTube or ehow videos most certainly did not help.

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2011-02-11T05:33:00.000+08:00

I don't know who I am anymore. Forgive me this is not a cry for attention, maybe it is. But on these walls , is th only place I can let go and shed my sorrow, and unmask myself just a little. Just a little, but with the biggest relieve. Sometimes I tell myself, frankly I'm not a person who builds walls around people, sure I wouldn't tell them my whole life shebang but if a friend would come up to me and say 'steph, tell me how can I help?' it would be, nice. But I guess its too late for that. It has come to the point where, I might actually start liking the idea of building walls. I'm getting comfortable in this heap of mess. I'm losing this and god forbids no one ever goes through losing their love for themselves.

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2011-02-04T06:31:00.000+08:00

Please don't live inside me because it's so hard for me to carry twice my load. One of mine and one of a myth.

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2011-01-27T05:40:00.000+08:00

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2011-01-24T06:48:00.002+08:00

Are there kinds of people in this world that can bring you down with them?
Are there kinds of people in this world that can bring you up with them?
I guess there is, but th kinds who bring you up dont normally mix with th kinds that bring you down, so if you are gg down, which ones up there will do a dirty job and help bring you up again? Or will you be left to fend for yourself?

Can happiness ever be achieved? Or is it an on-going battle to always want more and more happiness thus, never getting the satisfaction of being happy? When should a person sit back, pat himself on th back and say "Okay, this is th amt of happy i need." ?

2011-01-19T05:12:00.000+08:00

WHY?

stephaniegomestay

2010-08-30T01:59:00.003+08:00

I feel like im colourblind, without the warmth of your colours to paint my dull world.

You were the splash of colours, I was the canvas.

You'll carry the warmth with you, and I'll stay here; subdued.

You'll paint someone else.

2010-05-19T18:51:00.001+08:00

It was great to see some of my friends again. It's been too long. I can't wait for syahmi's chalet!

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2010-04-26T00:14:00.000+08:00

Its like, all of a sudden I can't grow up, I have to be.

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2010-04-23T15:48:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I just don't know where I belong, or what my purpose is. Sometimes I wish I was not such a push over . Sometimes I just have no drive. Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me. Why am I so deprived .

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2010-04-15T15:26:00.000+08:00

I had a dream again. About swimming pools, being comfortable in my own naked skin, and being happy. What a dream. And I woke up with a fever and thudding headache. It has been so long since I have fallen sick that I forgot how annoying it feels. My dreams are starting to be better than reality.

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2010-04-14T16:21:00.000+08:00

All of you are the same, I will keep to my words unless I see an exception.

2010-04-13T15:45:00.000+08:00

It's actually not okay to leave a person with such a bitter taste of the end. But if it helps, I know you heal fast or maybe, u have nth to heal at all. And I always told myself I would rather be hurt then hurt a person.

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2010-04-09T11:57:00.000+08:00

I will give myself until June.

2010-04-07T01:51:00.000+08:00

I don't have the support of everyone, just one. And more often than not, I'm very cautious of my decisions. So with two ends of a spectrum, I will just listen to myself and go and take this damn licence already. Wether I can afford a vehicle, will fall into place later. For once, I don't think I need to have specific plans to follow.

Today is pay day! Too bad I cant splurge it on my wants. There are so many things to settle first.

Alot of decisions and truth telling has been done , and the way I see it , things can only go from here.

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2010-03-26T23:11:00.000+08:00

Okay I tried Sally Hansen's leg airbrush to cover the spots on my legs and look at the colour difference in comparison with my hand! And I got the 'light to medium glow' shade. I look like I had a bad fake tan and it so doesn't blend well. Sigh. I guess I need to see a doctor to get medication for the fugly spots. I bet it'll cost a bomb. I actually got this airbrush bottle a few months back and I used it once and didn't like it. I tried the second time today hoping for a miracle so that the rest of the bottle doesn't go to waste but no....

Anyway, I'm so excited for tmr, I'll be meeting my girlfriends after so long and guess what happened today... I was at work and I saw... Afiq Sufian and Arip. It was so awkward to see them while working , it's been so long I couldn't recognize them. And someone told me Afiq is gg off to Perth. I'm not sure if it's one of their little practical jokes they like to play on me or if it's the truth.

For now, I'll take a bath and remove the gallon of fake tan off my legs, curl up in a book and watch Friends at 1.

I want you. Just you. Bye bye.

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2010-03-21T02:18:00.000+08:00

A family dinner after too long. And giogio is in my posession once again. I'm so happy to have her back. But she doesn't seem to recognize me anymore. She's going blind . It's funny at times like when she looks at a chair and she thinks its you. But it's not haha funny. Well I have breakfast to go to tmr so I need to sleep like now. That is if youknowwho wakes up too.

2010-03-11T02:10:00.000+08:00

Before I left the house today, I got the shock of my life to see a bird, more like a pigeon actually, standing by the window of my corridor, seeing no harm, I left it alone, that was in the evening. When I got home around 12, it was still freaking there and it managed to shock me twice, counting the one in the evening. So I went to wikihow and you will be amazed how little help u get when u really need it by this 'how' website. Or maybe I was too impatient to find the right words to type. I managed to see 'how to help an injured wild bird' and 'how to shoo a bird' and there was no way I was going to throw a towel over a bird and place it in a box so I just looked at it for a while and it looked well rested. I watched abit of Friends on tv and played with pachka and an hour it was still there! So I whipped out a broom and gently, very gently nudged it. It flew off . I really think it has to do with drinking birds nest soup the night before. U know the ones you get at the bazaar for 2 bucks. It's made of saliva. Gross. But nice.

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2010-03-10T02:54:00.000+08:00

My stomach feels funny. It's this emptiness inside although I have already eaten too much junkfood today. It almost feels like gastric but it can't be. It's not that bad so it should be okay soon. You know I was looking through some apps and the Alice in wonderland book was such a great book to download. It's the original version so even the vocabulary has an old English feel to it; "Curioser and curioser" Alice said the exact same thing in the movie and oh, the book is way better, I feel.

Birds nest, does it aid in anything?
P

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2010-03-09T20:39:00.000+08:00

I have off until Thursday but honestly once u start working and start calculating here and there,you (or I for that matter) would prefer working more days. I don't know, is work addictive?

Does a notebook have a significant difference from a laptop? I hate lugging around big laptops. Well this thought will have to wait, for at least a few months more. Then again, life seems pretty peaceful without a computer once you get used to it; you have more time for yourself and you only stay in contact with your friends that truly matter. On the other hand, there is a billion things you could do with the net, and everyone needs it one way or the other. Like emails and wiki-ing things( I miss doing that) and watching the big bang theory on YouTube. Ugh. I do have a weakness for Sheldon. Guess I do need one afterall.

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2010-03-07T13:55:00.000+08:00

FUCK.

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2010-03-07T03:06:00.000+08:00

My saturday was burnt ! I got a nice surprise at work today but this little pinch of surprise ended in a drastic end. Let's just say I'm tired, I'm going to slp on a very very( I must emphasize on this) very empty tummy, my head is spinning as I type this, no really, literally spinning, so I may not even get to go to slp so soon and... I'm working tmr which is a Sunday FYI . Family day! I don't spend it like that but it's good to have my options open. Weekend burnt. Tsk.

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Oopsy daisy

2010-03-04T08:48:00.000+08:00

Earthlings, I'm back. These few days have been very busy and sore for me. Because...
...
I'm working!
I have never been so happy about sore feet. Do you know how long it's been since I had sore feet?!
A few things that I'm still adjusting to like the fact that everything was explained to me in Chinese even schedules are written in Chinese! And my chinese only passes off as basic. Ni hao ma? Okay not thaaat basic. Time to brush up I suppose.
Guess where I am now? Okay I'm in the bus with mom on the way to chakalaka. I'm happy this entry is happy.

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2010-02-19T15:30:00.001+08:00

So I was reading my older posts and it kind of made my day, I don't know why. I really miss my friends, I don't know it seems all of us have different lives now. I miss a few aspects of my life actually. I keep dreaming almost everyday now, I've read somewhere that dreaming is a sign we're tired or is it the opposite? I would open a new tab now and wiki it but... Oh wait, I can't do that now can I? (be right back)
Okay wiki did not state anything about dreaming being associated with being tired or not. It must be some kind of folktale or myth or smth. So we spend roughly 6 years of our lives dreaming as told by wiki, I think I spend 12.
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2010-02-18T03:22:00.001+08:00

Talking Carl is an app I want.

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2010-02-16T19:25:00.000+08:00

So, I'm dead bored right now, I just watched 'Zack and miri make a porno' and it was so silly and looks like a movie that only man ie hanafee could like. Funny though. Oh yeah I got a new phone so I can pretty much blog more often if I haven't already said that. What else, oh i got a new hamster, his name is pachka and he has bit me twice so far but that was because I woke him up and he must have been too sleepy. Besides that he's really nice, I put him on my shoulder sometimes and his furry little self always tickles me. I also got a transparent ball for him to run in, like the guinea pigs from g force. Yeah I want a guinea pig too. I heard they jump when they're happy. One would be lonely, I want two.

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2010-02-15T22:04:00.002+08:00

Wow, this blog is very dusty isn't it?
It's the second day of CNY and things are going pretty well.
I can definitely blog more often now but i dont know if i want to anymore.
Cyberlife doesnt seem to excite me that much anymore.

2010-01-19T19:00:00.000+08:00

At Liyana's now.
I'll find a way to blog more frequently.
I'll be back! Wait for me.

2010-01-08T12:01:00.003+08:00

As I sit here to blog, I'm 3 hours away from moving out. This week has been hectic with alot of packing, throwing away alot of things and as more and more things got packed into boxes each day, the house became plainer and plainer; almost like how it was when we first moved in here 11 years ago. Oh well, every good thing must come to an end.
-To have Liyana and family as such fantastic neighbours
-To have sambal prawn, beef rendang and ayam masak merah brought over on Hari Raya by Liyana's mom
-To meet Liyana at th stairs to fag and catch up on our day
-To fag at my window
-To have one room all to myself
-To know the exact routine my parents take home so i needn't worry about them catching me fagging or hanging out with boys(although they always did)
-To have gift hampers from Liyana and family on Christmas
and every other little detail

Fuck, now its hitting me.

I don't even think I'm gg to have broadband in a few weeks to come.

And giogio has been abducted by my sis.

Anyone wishes to trade lives?

2010-01-06T04:17:00.003+08:00

The big bang theory, 3 sachets of Milo, Viceroys and a dead handphone.

Also, packing is really tough, it caused me to sneeze for hours.

Giogio is sleeping on my pillow case where i rest my head and making this light snoring noises.

Sigh, why can't i be as calm and collected as her?

No, i cant talk over dinner.

because i already ate when u texted me.

Because u called me th B word

and you were being impatient

i've said never to expect th same treatment in return

and true to my word, i was not expecting

i was hoping

especially at the worst(most probably) pitfall of my life

i thought you'd be a little more understanding and less needy than that.

And no, feeling sorry for me isnt enough

or giving me words of encouragement

because you are or were my pillar and i have higher expectations for my pillars.

i think everyone does.

not anyone can be anyone's pillars u know.

but no, you speak a word of encouragement to me and u think worlds of yourself.

well good for u, but words arent really what i need right now

especially not th b word.

2010-01-03T13:13:00.001+08:00

2010-01-02T18:28:00.005+08:00

In this traumatised state, I'm glad at least one person understands me.

Moving on, these are some of th pictures from Countdown's. I enjoyed myself at gatecrasher's no matter how sucky the crowd was.

Yeah i know th pictures are really blur and there is this white pillar-like thing on the left side. I'll need to send my phone for repairs soon.

I'm here waiting for Hanafee again. We're supposed to go have sushi today( I hate those btw, but I told him I'm willing to try cause he loves it.) but by th looks of it, the sushis are gg to eat themselves. Oh well...

2010-01-01T18:48:00.002+08:00

I'd like to post some pictures that Hanafee and I have taken yesterday and carry on with how much fun I had. I'd really like to.
But there are bigger things now, that worry me (When is there never a time?)
I'm moving to Yishun, to a much smaller home, although Dad said its temporary, there is no defined time. All i know is that I'm moving before January ends. I swear I don't know a single person who lives there.

My pile of jfehfefhndhnfef to fix just gets larger and larger.

2009-12-31T18:45:00.002+08:00

I don't want to talk about mine 2009, it is too painful to recount. Of course this sentence would be under-rated in anyone's perception.

So, Happy New Year to everyone. And don't hold on to the word 'Happy' before 'New Year' because the year is what we make of it. And to me? I hope I'll practice what I preach.

SLUMBER PARTY.

2009-12-30T07:11:00.015+08:00

Nail polish, check

Food glorious food, check

Cute props, check

Cuter pjs, check

Great movies, check

Chocolates from nice bf, check

Pizza from other nice bf, check

Amazing gfs, check

What else could be missing?

Slumber party, success!

2009-12-24T17:19:00.000+08:00

It's not right, but it's okay.

I'm gonna make it anyway.

2009-12-24T03:33:00.003+08:00

I'm back from a pleasant meet-up with my secondary sch classmates. It's been some time since we've seen eachother but things never get formal or awkward. I like how everything just falls into place. You weren't there and everyone was asking; but its okay. We played our usual silly games with cards and drink shots. Took th train back to woodlands and walked home with th guys and we(sean,syahmi and I) are really really keen on saving up money and taking a short trip to Thailand next year, with the rest of course. We have been talking about it since secondary sch. I just hope that by 2010 i will be worry free with school so I can worry less and start enjoying more! Grrr. As usual, i would have a whole list of 2010 resolutions in hand. Maybe some other day I'd post it perhaps. I'm sure it would be almost alike as anyone else's though.

I met up with Liyana and accompanied her to Vista Pt to get some cat food for Mel and as usual, we had our heart to heart talk about everything really; how we were 5 years ago, how we get over hard times, work, school, bgrs and every silly non-important stuff as well like littering, how great certain foods are and so on and so forth.

My phone was acting all weird today so the images came out really unclear.

Aah yes, I used to have so much fun with them. Anyways, Aysha and I have an amazing plan to slumber over at Aysha's next week( conveniently after x'mas and before sch term starts for everyone but myself. boohoohoo) with Ikah, Farah and Nanee. It would be just like old times where we would manipedi, eat and go gaga over T.I(I remember vividly crying over his video), except without sleeping over.

Hey girls maybe this time we could rent work out videos and sappy love stories? No?

To end my post off, I'd like to say that there's so much more going on in my head right now, many of which, i cant say. I just hope some sadist doesnt think i have it all right now because i really dont. This isnt a cryout for help, its more of a comfort to anyone who might need it? Hey, misery loves company right? Because i know how it feels like to want to be on the other, much greener side. Goodbye my Na'vi people. Yes, Avatar still leaves me breatheless.

2009-12-22T04:43:00.002+08:00

Two hearts; beating out of time. Two hearts intertwined.

2009-12-20T23:44:00.003+08:00

I dreamt about hiding several body parts among food. How gross is that? I can particularly remember a white skull which looked like an animal's with bits of blood tissue. I managed to hide it well when a stranger walked by. What th hell was my dream trying to tell me!

This is what i managed to find online www.sleeps.com/analysis.html

I couldn't find "dead body being strewn around, but this was th closest i got to;

Nearly any dream you have that refers to death, dying or attending a funeral, or the like, pertain to change. Most all the time this change is very dramatic and major. It can be change in your life attitude or emotional balance. These types of dreams can also symbolize confronting fear, usually fear of death or change. Since most of use will agree that death is the ultimate change, and many people fear it. Death dreams are generally big changes and should never be ignored. Sometimes they really do signify death! Another possible symbol of a death dream is threat. Whichever suits the dream depends on how well the theme was arrived at. Most death dreams are about major change and not about literal death though, so don't panic if you have one. Just patiently go through the analysis process, and make sense of it.

I applied some of my psychology class knowledge and did some research on Sigmund Freud, his dream analysis and he said "...there is a psychological technique which makes it possible to interpret dreams, and that on the application of this technique, every dream will reveal itself as a psychological structure, full of significance, and one which may be assigned to a specific place in the psychic activities of the waking state."

So, i believe that,
a) There is going to be a big change in my life
b) There is going to be a big change in my life and I'm fearing it (& trying to cover it up with food?)
c) I may cover a body part with food
d) I'm good at getting away with things( for the stranger didnt notice)
e) I'm sick to associate food with corpes.

Besides c, b seems like it may be it. After all, I am going to move out of this used-to-be-home, now house. And th funniest part, well not haha-funny, is that I dont know where. nafee has been asking me to ask Dad but thing is, i don't want to. Maybe because he doesn't know where yet too and if i did ask him its like woah, pressure alert. Anyway, i trust that i wont be left homeless and Dad knows what he's doing.

Or what if there is a change in myself? Because sometimes, when i stand by th window and fag and look out into the beautiful moon and get dizzy from fagging and standing(i think its a sign to not fag or not fag at home secretively!) I do come to the realisation that I have changed. Sometimes i get all dramatic(because i'm a female) and miss my old self. But most of th time, i do get reminded that humans constantly change and its only normal.

So, what i'm trying to say is, does dreaming about hiding a dead body, skull especially among food has got anything to do with whatever i just said or am i being senile here? Man i dont know how Sigmund could make up a whole book about dream interpretations!

Moving on, I am really missing my psychology classes. sighhhhhh. You know when u school and u just love being naughty but when u dont u just miss being a student? I'm never going to love being naughty, ever. Not in school. Besides that... well.

I'm so proud for reviving this blog. Now th feeling of why i used to love blogging so much has returned. I shall do this more often. Goodnight my Na'vi people! Sigh do i love Avatar so badly! I dreamt about it too! But let's not go there now.

2009-12-14T00:28:00.009+08:00

I'm so sick with this blog layout and its been years since i've changed mine so i really have forgotten how to. Everything feels so messy and it affects my mood to blog. And also because lappy is really sick.

Pictures from my first Zoukout ever. Seriously enjoyed myself but it could have been wayyy better if we didnt walk around so much. I think everyone came for Armin because really it was th best.

Nothing much to say. They pretty much speak for themselves. Oh th one with a chicken and a cow drawing is when Liyana and I went to get Ramly burgers. I just find it so cute.

2009-11-12T03:50:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday to me (:

-I bought a pack of fag all by myself today
-Dad called and gave me some pep talk about how i can't get myself in trouble as freely as i used to. I wish it came out nicer.
-I spent the whoooolllleee day with chugginton.
-I'm over the moon seeing how many people wished me. It made me feel as though i'm bothered enough by some people.

Okay. i've lost the drive to blog. From now on, it shall just be pictures; until perhaps one fine day when my drive is back. Scratch that. Make that 'from the next post on' because for some reason my lappie doesnt want to retrieve images from my phone.

I feel so sleepy so i shall end here.

I'm 18. I'm so happy and i dont care if it isnt a big deal to anyone else.

Chugginton, You've really given my days a kick to it and i'm so happy to have spent today with you just because u are so important in my eyes. Mommy's so satisfied today(: Muacks!

2009-11-04T04:56:00.002+08:00

2009-10-19T19:51:00.004+08:00

Congratulations. To myself.

For :

(a) Not taking things too seriously

(b) Reminding myself all the time that these things happen

"these things". What are these things exactly? It's smth that i shall hold captive with me. It's smth i won't share because people's answers are too predictable. The only person who will feel me, cry with me, console me, aggrevate me, scold me, look down on me, judge me, wake me would be (un)fortunately, me.

Then as i read back, i wonder why do i even write down these hints and make a person read... and wonder... I guess its to address to you that i'm human. It's a broad sentence; you'll need to take it in.

Okay! Happier thoughts..

NADA.

Okay, nada would be impossible. It's not that i've not been having fun. I have been having the best times movie watching, teddybear catching, bunny shopping, bonnie&clyding, chalet planning, being late for everything, people watching and all. It's really been fun and when i do those, i feel (: . But i feel silly when it comes to telling them here because i know i have issues. unresolved issues and its stupid to act like nothings going on even though that IS how i'm dealing with it; taking things too lightly. It doesn't make sense and i dont want my posts to be too emotional so i'll stop here. I need a jog anyway. Yes, one resolution down, 12462374 more to go. Bye, i'm not dead after all.

We weren't the most innocent or the best examples.

weren't.

2009-10-11T20:56:00.002+08:00

2009-09-28T22:15:00.000+08:00

stephanie gomes tay has died tonight.

2009-09-06T04:10:00.003+08:00

"The only sane choice you have when you fall is to get back up. What if i wanted to stay here and feel sorry for myself because no one else will?"

What if my life began tomorrow/what if i died tonight/what if i'm saved/what if i'm waiting to be saved/what if im ignorant/what if i had bipolar/what if i cant find my purpose/what if i can/

I might go on a long hike and never come back down. So if im missing, its cause i'm hiking. and i dont need anyone else to tag along. I dont need help. i dont want help and i dont need a reason as to why.

If my posts are too depressing for you, dont read it or you might just get sucked into getting bipolar too. These posts just aren't like how they used to be. Gdnight.

2009-09-04T04:24:00.003+08:00

I dont want to blame anyone else for my mistakes. It makes me feel good tht people might read my feelings so easily because i note them down here, but that is that. I dont need comfort. I just like th idea of how maybe you, yes you, can relate to my emotions or be skeptical and think im being too dramatic. But that is that. I dont need comfort. I like the fact that writing is my one escape into sanity and how everyone can read behind their screens and react. But that is that. I dont need comfort. I haven't said though, that i dont need critiscms.

2009-08-31T01:10:00.002+08:00

"You came back to haunt me and I realised
That you were an island and I passed you by
And you were an island to discover
Come on in,Ive gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign."

- Coldplay.

I feel so cold these days; i never sleep with th air-con on anymore.

Have i gone cold literally ?

2009-08-26T02:29:00.003+08:00

I apologise but i can't bring myself to trust you. I know i said i would try but it takes two to tango and you just dont give th tiniest hints of trying to prove yourself. You were not there during my lowest points. I see you as fair weather. I know you'll come back with some excuse and i'll be accepting again because i have a soft spot for you but honey how accepting i may be, people never forget.

We walked around in search for food, glorious food. You pitied me because i have not eaten th whole day and we managed to get most of th food i was craving for. We laughed so much and you were amazed how i knew that this malay priest guy is always at that same spot during this time of th year and a few other things. We settled for a movie. Before that we went out to fag and realised it was gg to rain, so we needed to do something about the helmets and there was no way no how either of us wanted to walk around carrying a helmet. I came up with a smartass idea to remove the padding and unbelievably, you agreed. Crossing the road, you mimicked me and said "the hell no" causing both of us to nearly get hit by a cab, we laughed really hard. We giggled like small kids as we dismentled the padding and i vividly remember placing the padding on your head, i laughed so hard cause it looked like a malay hat called songkok i think. We smuggled food into the theatre and watched the gorest movie ever and it made you stop eating for some time, making the burger eventually cold. I reached out for your hand when the guy's arm was being minced into this sink cause i was about to cry, you watched on with mouth gaped open. After the movie, we fagged again and because it was windy, this bunch of dust/trash/leaves starting whirling around and i said that a tornedo was going to start loudly and you looked at me with that look you always give when i say smth silly and u make me feel silly indeed. But then you added on and pointed out this particular guy who was concentrating so hard on the tornedo-to-be. I laughed the hardest. You gave me some of that meiji milk you love so much and i always remember to leave the last few sips for you although you never do. We got soaked in the heavy rain on the way back to a point where my arms and your neck were red by the strong rain drops. I lent you my pants and white tee to wear home but it made you look too gay so you wore your damp shirt over mine. Amongst so many problems i have with you, and i mean so many, i felt like i knew you again, like we were so happy and no one could take that away from us. Out of anyone, i never thought that it would be you. I enjoy playing the fool because of all the above mentioned, it was really just me who saw smth in that day. I need stability, assurance and honesty. I really try hard finding that in you. Baby the light at the end of the tunnel is getting dimmer and im very sorry but i really feel that i'm not the cause of it.

To all my malay friends, Happy fasting month.

Just sleep through the whole day and i'm sure you'll make it out alive and heavier. Fasting reminded me of a video, so here you go:

2009-08-24T23:13:00.007+08:00

Just because :

2009-08-22T03:24:00.003+08:00

With so much that has been going on in my life, th only positive thing i can say is that I'll take all of these as a good knock-you-hard-in-the-head lesson. I'm sorry to me. I'll make an oath to never allow things like this to happen again. If it wasn't for Liyana Bte Sani to knock some good sense into me and giogio which i know needs me for food, sasami, company, bringing her down for walkies and to clean that tremendous amount of goop in her left eyes like every hour, i don't know what might have been of me. When i was younger i had big dreams. Along the way, they were still planted in my head but they got dimmer and dimmer and i'm not gg to let such events kill my dreams. The hell no. Check me out in 10-15 years time cause i just made a bet with myself.

We all need self reminders at times, or that little push from someone or in my case, a big push.

It's times like these u remember those advices that u used to get from school workshops or teachers or whoever they may be. At that point of time, you didn't need it, you just heard, but now, i'm listening. I remember Adam khoo's workshop and what he said, which was not that useful to me at that point of time. One was, we cant control events that happen around us, people leave us, betray us, make us feel small, but we sure as hell can control our reactions, and these reactions which lead to actions will in turn result in another event, its like a cycle and to make it positive, we have to get th ball rolling.
Second was, he asked us who feels that they are inferior to others, unworthy, loserish and all. Alot raised their hands and you'd think this man would be consoling us but he threw a rage because we're so lucky to be even alive. And this reminds me of a verse that i personally like from the bible; "Who can curse what God has blessed?" We shouldn't curse/hate/bitch about ppl too much, that's like questioning God's creation. Omg why am i being such an Aunt Agony today, i usually see this on ppl's blog and it bores th crap out of me. Well, at least i can read this whenever i need another push.

Okay people i'm actually trying to start blogging about more relevant things instead of my daily life cause its like, everyone does the same shit everyday, wake up, eat, do a little something-something like go out or meet friends and smth funny might occur which may occur to everyone else in some point in their lives but in a slightly different manner. I think its time to learn as we read stuff. Seriously, what is up with this aunt agony thingy? I am irked by what i am writing. hahahha. i'll still blog about my mundane life uh but you know, try to switch it up a bit, add some lime to the coke-conut.

I went out to eat just now and i am just disgusted by females who have the looks but just ruin it by talking way to loudly to get attention. Chillax woman! You have beauty, ppl are already looking at you, and this in turn makes them ugly, you know what i mean? I do understand that this is judging but ... crap, i cant justify myself. We all judge what, i try to keep mine to a minimal but this is just a pet peeve! I also hate it when a girl wears her pants down so low her buttcrack is exposed. Girlfriend, cleavage and butt cracks are two different things, though they are similar, they give two VERY different vibes. Just makes me wanna puke a little. i shall soon blog about my pet peeves. I think that would be interesting and gnarly.

Bye bye world, my ipod is finally working and the best thing about it is that u can store lyrics in them and im going to sing myself to sleep. I think things are looking up. I dont think psychiatrists can have alot of emotional baggage like mine so im shedding those off. no pictures today. So sianzxzxx, no new pictures.

Okay really, BYE!

2009-08-21T00:28:00.005+08:00

We are so tiny on the face of the Earth. I mean, when we die, we are buried, absorbed into the Earth and also, forgotten. It will prolly hit someone like a meteor when one dies, at least someONE. But as th years past or maybe after the generation of people who have been around the person have all perished, no one will care about the long dead.

Just felt like sharing that thought.

Have you ever like, brushed off your problems instantaneously? As if you wear an immune bodykit that is green and acts like a layer of protection that kills anything negative that comes your way. Kind of like the dettol commercials where the whole family has that green layer thing going on after they take a shower? Because i do. && i dont know why im blogging about this because normally i wouldn't but i'm doing it for curiosity's sake. I hope it doesnt kill the cat, like you know .. curiosity killed th cat? Nevermind, im not good with jokes anyway. Oh yes, as i was saying, i have felt that way and lately, its all i ever feel towards the kind of negative things that go on in my life. It's like, (example cause i dont wanna put my real dirty issues on the table), my pet gerbil which i dont even know what it looks like but th name sounds cute dies, i would be well, obviously sad and maybe shed a few tears depending on how cute that gerbil was and be bummed but within a few days, i would be all okay and everyone knows how much i love animals, if giogio leaves me like that, i would be so down, i could deccelerate down past the earth's core. Ah nevermind i used a stupid example i dont think anyone understood what they just read. What i'm trying to say is, i dont grief or get very sad over the situation and i just feel TOTALLY fine after that and that may sound cool cause no one likes feeling crappy but its also dangerous mainly because well, we need to grieve to move on and if we move on without grieving, to me it means technically, we are not OVER that negative situation that occured. Therefore, situation will pile up on situation and then BOOM! , you or shall i say i will get a tragic meltdown and i dont like meltdowns like hello.

I learnt about the 'Grief Cycle' in school a few months back and i cant help but seem to relate all my problems to it. I find it really interesting and very true. You could apply it to yourself and i bet it'll work just th same.

Okay so basically this grief cycle came about when this doctor Elizabeth Kubler Ross (woman power!) chose to spend time with dying patients and comforted them. Over th years, it was noticed that not only like people who were terminally ill experienced this cycle but also ppl who were affected by bad news or was going through a tough time like a break-up or death of a loved one. Okay im typing alot and i know alot of ppl just get scared away by lengthy scrolls of words so let me just jump right to the cycle itself.

A bombshell bursts, and then: (i cant help but think of Pamela Anderson's badonkas popping but this was what th book wrote!)

Bombshell bursts then:

` shock stage ( very paralysed upon th bad news) *gasp* kinda reactions

` denial stage ( avoiding reality, omg so true, see?) "This cant be happening, bla bla."

` anger stage ( frustrated outpours of bottled emotions) "This is bull****!"

` bargaining stage (seeking in vain for a way out, which is very true too) "God, if u return him to me, i promise you i would never cheat/lie/etc "

` depression stage ( this is when u finally realise the inevitable)

` testing stage (seeking realistic solutions)

` acceptance stage ( finally moving on)

True or not? true or not!? Yes i hope?

In addition, a common problem is that people usually get stuck in one phase. For example a person may be stuck in the denial stage and wont move forward into accepting the inevitable.

Another problem would be going in cycles. Like a person moves to th next stage without really completing the earlier phase and this will cause them to move back. Its really all jumbled. There is no specific movement. Like a person may go through the shock, denial , anger and bargaining stage but when he finds out bargaining is not working, he'll move back to being angry. Or, a person may go through th shock and depression stage, then straight to acceptance.

"The more experience we have, the better we can handle it"

- That's what i think.

So, personally i feel these days, i skip alot of stages and lie into acceptance. I know its coming back to haunt me. I think. If anyone reads this at all, i hope it made u aware of how grief works and maybe it will be easier to handle? cause situations are always handled best when we know what we are dealing with.

OH MY GOSH, LONGEST POST EVER. I really hope it was not boring.

Oh, i watched the Orphan and i really hope that that kinda growth hormones dont exist because its just freaky with a capital F.

On th other hand, this is one of my favourite movies of all time. I sob everytime i watch it. Its just too beautiful.

And in time, i'll know what i deserve. And in time, i'll know there's so much more in store. And in time, i'll know that these problems are just problems. I just hope time is on my side because i build alot of faith around it.

2009-08-13T05:05:00.001+08:00

2009-08-11T03:22:00.001+08:00

2009-08-02T08:03:00.002+08:00

I really need a new blogskin, this one is just too old and messy.

Im going to bed now, good-morning?

2009-07-31T05:02:00.003+08:00

This week was awesome; non of that melancholic feelings, oh no, this week was far from abysmal. I can gladly say that i enjoyed(most of) my week!

I went to this event(brainbow) at homeclub and being so new to the psy-trance scene, i can happily claim to be a fan now. I love psytrance. woo. I can't find the words to explain why i love it but it is just... unique. This description will not help much but psytrance just puts me in a... trance. And the way one dances to it, whichever way it may be, is so expressive, well not that dancing to other genres isn't expressive, but, now i feel i have more variety to choose from when unwinding.

Ice age 3 sure as hell didn't disappoint me. Just wish i could have watched it in 3D.

Now, the Hangover was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy beyond my expectations. Above and beyond, above and beyond. I have not laughed so hard in ages. Out of 10, i give it an 11.

I have quite a number of things i want to blog about, but i'll leave that for tmr because my eyelids are technically shut. Give 'The hangover' a thought, it really is worth the $$.

Bye.

2009-07-29T03:31:00.004+08:00

This clip, defines the purest of love.

Don't we all wish to experience that.

2009-07-25T19:53:00.003+08:00

A person in love is emotional, pliable and easily misled.
A person in lust is harder to control and once satisfied, may easily leave you.

Guess what i found on FB?

A snazzy picture over at Blue Jazz with a few familiar faces. This was taken a few weeks back, maybe a month? That was not the best of nights because.... well, let's just say i will never do that again. Once you're up, you won't go down for some time.

Stay home saturday? It seems to be that way so far.

I love Giogio so much. I woke up today to see her in curled in a ball right beside me and when she woke up, she did what she always does and stretched with her nails clawing my body(doesn't hurt, feels like someone is scratching you lightly). I lifted her right up, placed her on top of my tummy and talked to her about silly things. Isn't it fantastic to have a friend who never judges and always listens?

2009-07-24T10:27:00.006+08:00

Man this blog has been collecting too much dust bunnies hasn't it?

I lost my drive to write over th past few weeks but now its back!

First things first, I'm on holidays till end of August. Yay.

But i got barred from my exams due to poor attendence. Laugh and snigger all you want but its so not funnnaaayyy. I appealed to my coordinator but she has soo not replied. In my defence, it totally isn't fair. Why? a bunch of us were supposedly barred from th papers but everyone else had an excuse like travelling or H1N1 quarantine. I mean, props for the excuses uh but there werent any form of proof what, and when i told my coordinator mine side of th story, she said i needed proof in paper (Mc/Leave form) Its pure crap.
If you are going to need proof, make sure everyone has it.

If you are going to excuse students based on how good their excuses are , then that really isnt fair. Its kind of a all for one, one for all kind of deal. I wrote her a very questionable e-mail but still no replies.

It makes my heart boil everytime i think about my papers.

On the other hand, i know its my fault for missing school and its kind of a very hard habit to kick. When the holidays are over, and i venture into my diploma level, i promise(that's right, no 'try's or 'work hard's) to achieve good attendence in school ^.^

And fyi, if one is barred from the exams, there will be a need to remodule( go through the whole she-bang' all over again) and a fee of $250 will apply.

I was thinking of wether to blog about this 'being barred' thingy cause it does reflect the bad sides of me ie my laziness and mountains of procrastinations but heck, i was never perfect to begin with.

Now for updates, (I think i have been going out too often)

Note to self: alter that problem as well.

I dont really like blogging about things that have happened really long ago cause i dont like thinking really hard about the tiny details of what has happened and yada yada especially when it is not very interesting to begin with. Which is why, im going to skip everything that has happened up till... Thurs. I met Aysha after months and we had an early dinner and a lot of juicy secrets/gossips/stories/experiences exchanged. We are after all, best at yacking over everything under the Sun. Oh it was so nice to catch up with an old friend who understands your every woes and problems so well. Its just too bad Aini couldn't join us ):

I think it has been 2,3 months that i have not stepped into Civic? and believe me, thats a long time for someone who has been going there almost everyday last year to study/attempt to study/have dinner dates/have dinner/watch ppl have dinner/chill. Not much has changed i can say, still the same faces, doing th same things. Bla bla bla,i am boring myself. I THINK I HAVE LOST TH ABILITY TO WRITE. aghh, i feel so disfunctional as of this moment.

My fringe looks weird here. Aysha's is just so sexy.

Oh you must be wondering why i am right smack in th middle of a field with a guy having prata. I met Hanafee after going to civic to supposedly 'talk' about things. All i remember however, was eating alot. And that made me happy. Food makes me happy. See my top? Happy is highlighted.

Gluttony, which is what i possess among the 7 deadly sins acoording to the quiz i did in FB.

At least i don't possess this quality al0ne.

Penny for your thoughts.

I people-watch all the time and i know you might gag upon reading this because you think it is so not true and that im just trying to sound nice, but what i do is, when i people-watch, i always am looking out for features that i feel are their most beautiful . You know sometimes, we look at people and say, wow, she's gorgeous or he's so edible and you notice how beautiful ppl always get more attention and what they want much easily. Would you say that beauty is a blessing? Or a curse? Because somehow, i find that the less-beautiful people always know more things about life through experience, they probably work hard to get where they are. An example would be, two ladies working in a firm right, one is, no offence, a fat hippo with pimple plantations on her face, while the other, has the face of an angel and a body of a stripper. Surprise surprise, the boss is a male who is divorced and sexless for months/years? I so know how this story would end. Not 100% but 99% says that th story will end how i have envisioned it.
When a person goes ''you are blessed with such beauty.'' Is it a compliment ? Shouldn't it be ''You are cursed with beauty''? I dont know, this may be silly but these are just the kind of things i think about before going to bed.

2009-07-08T05:23:00.002+08:00

Feeling a slight ounce of unhappiness again.

It is true, the quizzes. Am i really like tidal waves ?

Why don't i ever stick to one emotion for a long period of time?

I bet when i wake up, i'll go back to normality again. And that is awesome.

But for how long.

2009-07-07T20:48:00.004+08:00

OKAY! First things first, the movie 'Transformers'? W.O.W. The directors are hands down geniuses okay. So much animation , yet it seems so damn realistic. I love(d) this movie. Although, it was lengthy (i dont like movies that are too lengthy, they cause my knee joints to ache) i didnt lose focus of the movie at all, like how i usually do in others. And i bet like me, the whole theatre sat there watching with their mouthed gapped open, like in awe like that.

And they couldn't have found better actors for the movie. Megan, i might just go bi for you. I really feel her tattoo is silly though, the one at her abdomen area i think, it goes something like "Once upon a time, a girl didnt know what love is yada yada" I totally forgot.

Shia is getting hotter with his age!

Yummy.

Now, guess what i found on Namdev's fb?
.

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.

.

.

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Graduation Night 2008 pictures.

Aini and i, with a big belly after all the good food in Holiday Inn. Every time i hear Holiday Inn, all i can think of is the dirty song by snoop dogg and chingy.

My home boy Afiq, gosh i miss that dodo head. He is sooo mia-ing now. tskk.

Namdev, class just wouldnt be the same without him. Dont ask about the facial expression.

This was some competition and i was dressing Nasroon up. Once again, dont ask about the facial expression.

yayy.

Now im starting to miss those monkeys. Omg, monkeys is so not spelt as monkies. I spelt it like that the first time.

Tag Replies:

Namdev: hey steph...."i love you man"..you're right...its the best...you might wanna watch "the hangover" too....comdy show also...btw what happen to you?

Namdev: you did't really engage in convo..hahah..you alrgiht?

------- Hey dev! I'm fine la, i was just busy th other time. Hey, what happened to the plan of paintballing with the class? We should meet up for movies, like the whole bunch of us, just like th old times.

dzul: imy guys..mit up soon..plan sumting up next week on e 10th

------- I miss you too. Why 10th? you P.O.P on that day? oh well, we'll come up with something.

watermelon: the one in sentosa was 4D babe! (:

------- Oh my gosh, i so didnt know, It is no wonder i was wondering why the one in Sentosa was so good compared to the one in theatres. Those were some good times we had (:

2009-07-03T05:04:00.003+08:00

It's been so long sinced i have done a proper blog post, i just find myself very unorganised/disorganised? these days. I will try to get back on track. So, what's new...

Well i did watch a couple of movies these past few weeks :

It didn't help that this was screened in 3D, i hate it so much. It was really so unoriginal and th humour was bad. The only thing that kept me through the movie, was the fact that it was my first 3D movie ever(discluding 3D movie magix in sentosa) and the fact that the blue one-eyed monster was kinda cute.

Another bad movie. Unrealistic. Nevermind. Even the horror parts were like, so dumb. I mean, it kept me on th edge of my seat uh, cause i am such a nooby for horror movies.In fact, i have no idea why i agreed to watch this. It's like, the main actress would ramp the old lady and the car would hit another car, yet, no body dies. She staples the old lady's eyes and instead of being in pain, the old lady fights back. Idk, very silly to me.

Best movie ever! Okay, 'Marley & Me' is but this is the best thing next to it. It is dead on hilarious, it had the whole theatre laughing their asses off. What made the humour in the movie even better, was the fact that there was curses and swearing. I love it.

I still have to watch:

- Transformers. ( Damn it, everyone even my lecturer is talking about it!)
- Threads of Destiny (This awesome Japanese, i think, movie.)
- Year One ( Because it's Jack Black and the actor from 'Juno', forgot his name. What better combination can we get?)

With that, i end my post. I will attempt to keep this blog alive.

I tooanticipatetheendwhenyouwillplea,
andm?justglee.

2009-06-14T22:41:00.014+08:00

PICTURES FIRST. UPDATES TMR OR SOMETHING.

2009-06-09T05:09:00.001+08:00

I HAVE BEEN NEGLECTING MY BLOG! TSKK, I WILL BE BACK REAL SOON! TOO MANY THINGS TO BLOG ABOUT, I DONT FEEL LIKE DOING IT NOW CAUSE I AM OFFICIALLY SHAGGED-TO-THE-MAX.

muah muah ppl!

2009-05-27T17:38:00.002+08:00

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? ITS LIKE 2 HOURS ALREADY THAT IM HERE COUNTING MY HAIR.

I dont have much to blog about these days cause its all oh so secretive. Let me see... Ah! I had my papers yesterday and seeing that i didn't study for it, it was easy peasy lemon squeezy. Like imagine if i had studied?! Ok, abit braggy here. I have no class today and i'm having my last papers tmr. Thank God.

Nothing else to say, maybe i'll update tonight or tmr. Bye sexies.

Tag replies:

Guest: how old is this iswandie shafie guy? 14 or 24? Like seriously get a life.
--- hehe yes. I bet you so know him cause u mentioned 24 and he is 24 i think. I liked th mockery.

caliz: link= link.
--- Okay thanks.

Hira: ola babygirl
--- Hi hira (:

Wandi: ooo..Ip address.Like so?how true was it?juz another make up i guess.yepp i hatetag yer.this is a shoutout.Lamers like this blogger's friend

Wandi: only go the hassle to find my ip.which i doubt so.nice try.
--- Obviously its very true since u are hate tagging with your name now. Why do you always ask stupid ass questions uh? Hey wandi, stop being so bitter. Go tag the pyscho girl, u guys make a better match. You always said u never wanted to have any bad outcomes between th 3 of us but obviously u were all words, no action. Do you even deserve friends? Betrayer.

passerby: Who's this wandi btw? Mind if i ask?
--- Just this guy who used to be a friend. You can scroll down my blog, he's in a few of th pictures. U can call him charisma *wink*

fatyn andriana: hey steph ! i enjoyed friday night with ya ! ahahas . but that is my last really . ahahas . you're fun lah (: and still gorgeous as ever ! (:

fatyn andriana: and plus , hope to see ya soon alright ? takecare !
--- Thanks! Why was that your last may i ask? Oh! i want your number, i might just ask you from Fb or Zai if its ok with you. We should hang out often. And i linked you (:

2009-05-25T18:01:00.003+08:00

Finally! I watched it! And i didnt even know we were gg to watch this movie. All i knew was we were gg to have dinner and then, next thing you know we are secretly eating burgers in the movie theatre, which was freezing cold by th way.

The movie was ok. It wasn't like "woah!" but it was definitely what i was hoping for. Since we both read the book right, the ending where th guy goes up in the helicopter, i was telling Nafi that the guy was gg to die with the anti-matter capsule and then Nafi agreed.

But he didn't die.

I guess it was wayyy to long ago that i read this book.

I really enjoyed my Sunday. Also, i have a new found love for trance....... i know right!?!?

Exam papers tmr and im sooo nervous. Cause.my.books.are.collecting.dust.bunnies.

Tag replies:

dzul: tat cute fatin! very very damn cute!!
--- Okay whatever. hahha. Later i tell shiraa.

nanaa: ure so pretty!(:
--- Thanks babe. you're so nice.

jasmine: its ok there. teehee. btw i envy ur lips, mine's so dry sehh. boohoo.
--- Mosturise? This is weird but err, i used to have a classmate who called herself jasmine. Are u her? haha.

Guest: You gotta understand that is a shoutout.A person can remain anonymous and vice versa.Try looking up longman for the word 'inmature'.
--- Okay, you have a point. and by the way, its IMMATURE. You need to check out the dictionary to correct your spelling.

2009-05-24T07:56:00.002+08:00

My Friday was awesome! (:

I shall just let the pictures do most of th talking.

Zai invited me to his friend's (omar) birthday chalet and who knows that Singapore is really small after all cause i saw some familiar faces like Fatin and Karmillah. By th way, Karm if you happen to read this, can u pls leave me your link? Alot, and i mean alot of ppl came down, like come and go come and go. Not everyone stayed overnight though.

These are th ppl who did. Im not in th photo by th way bcause i snapped th picture.

Fatin and Dzul

Omar(left) the birthday boy.

Dont know what th hell i saw doing here.

Yeah, so thats about it. It was so much fun.

Thank you zai thank you zai thank you.

Tag replies:

Guest: she just to young to understand certain things.sadly she procrastinates in maturing.lame.

---And are you very matured as to say that age defines maturity? young and maturity are two different things dumbass so think before you speak.And dont think i dont know who you are.

Guest: well said fer herself. I am really afraid of being alone. Maybe that's why i adapt so quickly to tidal changes.

---OOh, like you know what im pertaining to. Why dont you blog for me next time? If you wanna hate tag, leave your name at least so i can see what kind of a midget im dealing with.

Nanee: i believe i texted u. tehe! so now you know, don't call me after 12.45. HAHAH! *looks down* pfft. bye bye! hehehe!

--- yeah , i received your text msg. (:

caliz: hey link me!

--- Okay! but you didnt leave your link caliz .

AYSHA: why remove my blog link..**** off!

--- The real Aysha i know, wouldn't type what you just did. You may have done something to remove her link, and u cn keep removing it, i'll just keep relinking it.

AYSHA: thats it..im done with u..

--- How lesbian does that sound. haha.

Aysha: Hey baby girl~ wah you got new friend name AYSHA too is it?? haha

--- Hahaha must be some stupid head who's bored out of their mind.

Aysha: Anyway, Steph!! I Miss You!! XoXo Boo to them loser

--- Yeah i miss you too, sorry i couldn't meet you on Saturday but we'll still meet up very soon.

With that, i end my post. It's 8.15 in the morining, and i still feel groggy so i'll go get some shut eye. Bye.

2009-05-21T21:37:00.000+08:00

What am i most compatible with?

"You are most compatible with ARIES! I'm sure most of your friends are Arians! Together you're going to rock! The Arian is a pioneer both in thought and action, very open to new ideas and a lover of freedom. They welcome challenges and will not be diverted from their purpose except by their own impatience, which will surface if they don't get quick results. Arians are frank, direct and candid, and make enthusiastic and generous friends. Mentally Arians are intellectual and objective, but can be in rare situations bigoted and extremist in religion and politics. They are good champions of lost causes and last-ditch resistance. They are quick-witted but sometimes foolhardy and over optimistic."

I LOVE QUIZZES.

2009-05-21T19:57:00.006+08:00

HEY HEY HEY earthlings. I have quite alot to update and i cant even remember when whatever happened. So we'll just move along and i'll see if i can recall anything. Life's been pretty good so far, not the best, but i couldn't ask for more, well i could but .. this is gg to open another gate so let's just stay at life's pretty good. I'm having like a week of school holidays to study for my upcoming exams, first one in my tertiary life actually. So i'm nervous about how things are gg to turn out, like the marking schemes and layouts etc etc. Gosh i sound like a geek. I was never one who can study independently and as i had known, im not studying when i should. This.feels.so.sucky. so i swear im gg to devote at least one day to full mugging and not going out. I'll try? at least. It's sooo hard i tell you. Freedom is addictive.

OKAY, moving on, I think its Monday that i met him for dinner and then we went to chillax. We wanted to catch Angels and Demons but we were, once again, late.

Burning some objects cause it was starting to get itchy. We spent like half an hour to try to keep the fire gg and we, well, i was so amazed at it, like all my attention was gone to looking at the fire.

Nice right? He always knows of nice places to go. So annoying on my side because i like having the upper hand but i always am lost when it comes to thinking of places to go.

Then Wednesday, i went to school with Zai to study. Like this is so not me, i have never gone to school on a holiday, be it primary, secondary or whatever, especially secondary in fact, it was so hard keeping me in school furthermore, coming back on holidays just to study. I felt so proud for myself. haha. Technically, we were supposed to meet up at *coughs* 11am. And we met up at... 4pm. But it still counts for something right!? We studied. After the library closed and all, we headed to Queensway to window shop and look for some stuff. I saw a very nice pair of shoes. I soo wanna get it. And i know the trend is so over but i but like did some coloured hair extensions on my locks and i dont know why but this gets me so excited. Cheap thrills. Took a bus to woodlands and it's so nice of Zai to bus back to woodlands with me then all the way back to Tampines. He said it would kill the boredom of travelling alone. But in real fact, he was dozing in the bus! What boredom is there to kill? Upon reaching woodlands, i met up with Ren for a while. Its been so long!! No big deal uh, he has not changed much, just grew taller. And he said im chubby alr ): I think i should just face reality and go gym. I procrastinate too much. Ok ok, then i went home, rest for like 10 seconds, bathed, changed into something more comfy, and met him for supper. After supper, we went over to Dzul's place cause Nafi says he misses Dzul so fine, whatever. I miss them too.. dzul and nazmi, i never fail to laugh when im with them. Not like haha kinda laugh but hahaha , i cant breathe, my stomach hurts kinda laugh.

Oh oh, i saw Charisma! idk why they call he-who-shall-not-be-named that but yeah, it sounds funny so why not. TSSSSSKKKK, HEY BOO ITS A PITY YOUR DAD COULDNT GIVE US A RIDE IN HIS FERRARI UH. hahaha........... bad liars are so transparent.

Tag replies:

Paula - Sure thing (:

Azura - Hey im great! Pass me your link uh, you are always changing blog urls, like tshirt.

Jasmine - Sorry if i came off as mean to you, i really didn't think i was. Thanks by the way (:

2009-05-18T05:29:00.004+08:00

Sunday night. Had supper at Bencoolen. I didnt like how my order turned out to be. So sweet of him to trade dishes with me. Checked out a hot guy with tatts, he checked one out too. like okayyy. Forgot glasses on the table. Nice guy returned it to us. Creepy guy asked for an ashtray. Went to esplanade. Taught him the lyrics to a rap song. I bet he still cant memorise it. At least he tried. Took stupid pictures. Tried tugging my skirt. Cause it was velcro. Saw a cockcroach create a hole in one of my m&m's. eeeeeu. SAW syuk. Looking the same as ever. Took more pictures. Video-ed him once again. Argued over lighter. Its mine. Home. Msn-ed with dzul. poor dzul. Feel sorry for you. why am i typing like this. Slept at 6am. Woke up at 3. Dad isnt working. tsssk. Supposed to collect hp today. tssssk. Supposed to study with friends today. tssssk. guess i will have to study alone then. tssssk. Which reminds me, double hot. pssss pssss.

I am really afraid of being alone. Maybe that's why i adapt so quickly to tidal changes.

2009-05-17T21:13:00.006+08:00

So, this was mine Saturday night. Had dinner at the very classic Prata House and it has been so long since i have savoured Kaya Prata! I have not found a single place who sells prata with kaya but Prata house. Now, i can only eat prata with Kaya in it or it just wouldn't sound right.

Then right, this dodohead saw a picture of me and laughed so much so till we, well, i started chasing him around a car like 13432432 rounds and by the time we stopped we forgot what i was chasing him for, and a freaking dog got annoyed by our loud laughter it started barking. That was so K9. It scared the bejesus out of me.

Him looking annoyed cause i annoy him. alot.

Sexay: " I wanna tear my jeans too"
nafi: "Do it uh, you know how right?"

Sexay: "Using something to rub it"

Nafi: "sandpaper -.-"

Sexay: "But i wanna do it on dark jeans"

Nafi: "Yeah better, later like those country girls i.e Taylor Swift"

So groggy.

Blame it on the 'tron, got me in the zone.

2009-05-16T22:15:00.002+08:00

I have to stop this habit of blogging two days after whatever i blog happens. It's like... the essence wont be there or something like that.

Anyways, guess.what.i.did.thursday.

I finally rock-climbed! After having wanting to do it for weeks / months? And it is so so so so so fun and makes your arm hurt the day after which means, once again, its good workout. Thanks to Zuli and her boyfriend, Kaz( Happy birthday btw!) and Rafi for helping me out and stuff. And I'm so up for another round on the 23rd. I also absailed! I hate that, because i get really nervous before doing it but i feel so proud, PROUD OKAY, to say i didnt take 20 mins to absail down some 4 storey wall like when i did back in secondary 2, this was 20 metres (8 storeys i think) and i didnt take more than 10 mins (: I so want to try absailing from 25 metres.

So that was Thursday, fruitful Thursday i shall add cause i met nafi after rockclimbing and we had a very fiery meal (alot of angsty satay sticks being poked around) and you know what. I shall stop here before i "imply jealousy".

Went to school the next day feeling a little lethargic and had to present my assignment and thankfully it went well, yada yada yada, then went to eat at Marina Square with nafi and saw Zuli and Kaz, like so funny, cause we just came from the same place( school) and ended up in the same place. Mt faber after that which was going so well, too well i guess and had a little tiff but i think its so funny looking back at it. hehehe. And now its Saturday, i was supposed to go watch the motocross thingy but no one is free, tsk tsk and this dzul wanted to go but was gg to watch soccer first at Bedok , like hello? there wont be enough time uh. wooosh teet teet guy.

Okay, It;s 10,3o and someone is free already! BYE.

2009-05-14T01:40:00.003+08:00

EVERYBODY HAS ONE.

SO HURRY UP TIME,

U KNOW I HATE WAITING.

So i went to marina square today to do mine assignment that is due on Friday. Thankfully most of it is done, just some touching up here and there and wa la, it's ready to go. Sadly, i didnt take pictures cause i didnt bring my camera cause i brought a lappie and it was heavy and it was hurting my shoulder. *takes breath*

THATS ABOUT ALL, OH WAIT.

If i really wanted to make u jealous, i could have gone to extremes but let me see... i shan't stoop myself as low as you. Some people just cant let bygones be bygones and some people are just so dumb to gossip about unrealistic things. Try harder okay? Because hard work pays off but not to dishonest people.

2009-05-10T17:57:00.009+08:00

So i went to mum's restaurant a few days back to celebrate Junior's advanced birthday and the restaurant was even more re-vamped from how it was before. See pictures on the wall and everything.

On Friday night, like 2 in the morning, i went over to Miguel's place with afiq. I was supposed to go even earlier but scratch that, i made it up to him anyways. So here are my new friends. lol.

I was already wasted right around this part. We had bacardis (Like 3 BOTTLES but i think they left one un-open) and i think some had beer and i brought bailey's but we only had that in the morning. So much crazy things happened uh but let's just say whatever happened there, stayed there.

This is Ben and his girlfriend, Isha.

Afiq cursing or something, idk. too drunk to remember.

Rusty , the dog. so cute.

Me in the morning feeling so much better, ok this was afternoon.

Miguel, myself and Ben. They are cousins.

I asked to do a funny face, but he didnt want to.

Miguel's niece.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.

I PROMISE TO MAKE IT UP.

2009-05-07T02:41:00.002+08:00

FUCK YOU.

I CANT BELIEVE U HAVE THE FUCKING NERVES TO GET BACK TOGETHER EVEN AFTER U ARE IN CONTACT WITH THE PEOPLE WHO ALMOST DESTROYED WHAT WE WERE IN THE PAST, WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR? SOME RANDOM BOOTY CALL? I WAS NEVER GENUINELY HAPPY. AND NOW? IM GLAD THAT I DID NOT FALL FOR YOUR CRIES, SUFFERINGS AND PLEASES AND SCHEMES TO GET BACK WITH ME BECAUSE I KNOW NOW, THAT ANY LOW LYING GIRL WOULD DO FOR YOU. YOU HAVE LOST YOUR MORALES, WAIT, DID YOU EVER HAVE ANY? SO NOW SHOO OFF OKAY? I DONT KNOW YOU, I NEVER DID, THE PAST 3 YEARS WERE JUST A BAD NIGHTMARE. THATS RIGHT, A BAD NIGHTMARE WITH YOU IN IT. I HATE YOU SO MUCH AND I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN AND I DONT EVEN WANT TO SEE YOU OUTSIDE OR BUMP INTO YOU BECAUSE IT'LL HURT TO SEE A STRANGER. GET OUT OF MY LIFE.

This is the last of what had begun to end.

2009-05-06T02:44:00.000+08:00

MY CLASSMATES IN FORMAL WEAR.

2009-05-05T01:51:00.003+08:00

Had breakfast with reiz before school and it was nice to catch up on things.

School was so fun today, for once i understood a single thing from Communications in psychology. A thing that has been bugging me is that i'll need to wear formally to school tmr for some video recording of a counselling session. I'm psyched but also dreading over what to wear.
!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, these are like some pictures of my classmates (1st ever).

I'll try to name them all, if i can.

zai, cheryl, sylvester,daryl, chermain,fiona, dora,rueben, lithia, zuli and myself.Not all of us are in this shot.

Zai, Mua, Zulie and Rueben.

Zulie! She's one of the girls that im closest to in class.

2009-05-04T02:24:00.003+08:00

REPLIES:

Guest - No i am not because like i said, she has a de-facto relationship.

Dora - sure thing, really soon (:

Guest - Yes she is.

Mell - thanks but i dont like the idea of modelling, too pressurizing and i like to be the best in what i do and i dont think that could work in the modelling world.

Passerby - yes and err, we'll see how things go.

Guest - Yes im not stick thin for that matter and i feel very happy with my fashion sense and i know, alot of ppl think im malay at first too.

Guest_guest - thanks.

Okay, now that that's done, mine day was mundane. I just stayed home and used th comp and idk why im only choosing this moment to blog when i should be sleeping cause school is like 8.30 in th morn later. I'm so annoyed cause dad cooked some weird soup(for himself) and there was like no food at home ok! urgh. Guess im venting this cause im hungry. Im gg to sleep now, cause i have nothing further to say. bye.

2009-05-03T05:04:00.009+08:00

Labour Day was spent with my friends over at Cine! It's been ages since i've gone out with my friends who are now either busy with school/serving the nation/or BGRs.

I met sufian after 248378932 years. really. It's nice to finally see him and catch up on things.
Oh so it was yours truly(me) , Aysha, Nazmi, Dzul, Yan and Amirul who came in and out of the picture.

We wanted to have dinner at Lucky Plaza but the store was closed so we had dinner at Estella instead. Followed by some arcade gaming. I guess that's about all. Oh and i saw a few familiar faces here and there. I really miss gg out with my friends. We have to meet up more often!

Dzul's prolly laughing cause Aysha and i said that the way a guy eats is prolly the reflection of the way he is in bed, and then nazmi ate like a monster and sufian ate his food so gently. hahah. Dzul just sniggered and they were both eyeing in th way i ate. Too bad this only works for guys!(:

And also, i am a strong believer that a way a guy treats his mom, is th way he treats his lady. Dont believe me? observe and you might just see the similarity.

He has a very kinky shirt

GUITAR HERO BABY!

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2009-04-28T03:11:00.005+08:00

Had class today and i was like half an hour late cause i overslept. Anyways, i met dzul after class and we headed to Tampines 1 and i love that place. I was thinking to myself , "Oh great, just another shopping mall. I mean, its all the same, SG has so much of these." But i dont know, it had more varieties and i just liked it ok, i dont need a reason for it. I bought a new top and a very nice notepad with no lines inside. That is so daring of me cause i always buy books with lines. hahaha. and a purple pen for sch and whatever-not that needs writing.

Just random pictures. GIO GIO is licking her nose in the second picture. I miss her ): She is over at sis'.

I miss puglet too. He is with someone else now. He snores and has a nice doggy smell )::::

GIOGIO's reindeer headband for xmas like 3 years ago. moooooooo.

I miss sitting here. It's such a stress reliever.

And sumo! who can forget him? He is the first dog i named after all and i still love that name no matter what ppl may say and i will still not forgive him for biting my lip after i blew GENTLY at his nose. And i miss how he used to sleep on top of me and how is such an attention seeker and how he never pees at the right place.

OK BYE.

watermelon (:

2009-04-26T22:33:00.001+08:00

FORGIVE ME BUT I AM TIRED.

of your intentions

of the suspicions

2009-04-26T03:56:00.002+08:00

I HAD A DIRTY DREAM ABOUT HIM ONCE. HAHAHA. Isn't he just so dreamy?

2009-04-25T21:58:00.002+08:00

By the looks of things, i think i will be blogging less frequently because, although sch is only 3 hrs a day, if its in the morning, i will end around 11 plus am and the sun would be so inviting for me to go home and slp till like 6 and by then i would be all ready to go out. If it ends at 6 plus pm, i would be dead on ready to go out or go home and slp. In short, i am a certified pig who only enjoys sleeping and going out and nothing else. My hobbies are long gone down the drain. Maybe one day, when i get used to the school hours , i would put in time for some leisure stuff and my ultimate goal which is to hehe... nevermind. Let's just say it requires anything physically tormenting.. at least for me.

It's been a week since i have started school and so far, so good. I only have 2 modules in school. One is Basic counselling skills (very fun) while the other is Communications in psychology (this will be the death of me). We learn all sorts of things in the fun module like how to try to be non-judgemental and how to greet a client and my lecturer , Mr SINGH, is so amazing. He gives us answers to our ever tricky questions and because of him, class is so interactive and we find ourselves always asking questions.

Anyways, i got a letter from Fuchun to go back to school and collect my O level's cert and graduation certificate. Idk why but the thought of mine secondary school makes me cringe. I dont even know how i survived 5 years there. Ok whatever idk why i just said all these unneccesary information but then again blogging is all about unneccasary information i guess.

I went to catch a movie with the usuals on Friday. We watched 'jangan tegor' and its so freaky ok. And abit funny. But the story line has nothing to do with the title of the movie. Nada.

I guess that's all i can update about this week. I do have more to tell but let's just say some things are better left unsaid.

youareggalrdontforgetmeokaymeugato♥

2009-04-20T23:11:00.003+08:00

DONT YOU JUST LOVE SCHOOL!?!?

BECAUSE I DO!

MY SCHOOL IS SO HIP AND INTERESTING!

My class only has 3 guys but everyone is so err, nice and friendly and down to earth.

The oldest lady in class is, i presume is in her 30s, some ex air-stewardess.

Told you school's interesting.

The were a few friends i saw. Khalai, Sandhia(omg!) , and Sherman.

&& I'm so greatful Afiq walked me to my class or i would have been lost!

Thanks a bunch.

Hmmm what else what else.. Oh yeah i thought today was plainly orientation but we started on some basic counselling skills and it is so interesting.

I think i can kiss sleeping in class goodbye.

IM SHAGGED NOW.

I went to town with nafi to have dinner at estela? i think its spelt that way.

AND THE BEST PART IS, i have no class tml for no specific reason! The lecturers must have thought ''oh, i dont feel like teaching on tuesdays, it makes me cranky'' or something.

Im gg to go read my textbook like a loser-face nerd and go to slp after that. Bye world!

2009-04-19T19:58:00.002+08:00

I dont know how you do things but i am not one who can just 'forget' things.
When have i ever said that i am not happy with you?

I think that you think too little about things that matter and too much about things that dont matter.

Let me sleep while you sort things out. Because its time u did something.

2009-04-19T06:50:00.004+08:00

So, I met up with my girls on Fri. Headed to Vivo and head late dinner. It was a last-minute, spontaneous kinda meet up so we got there really late like 10? We wanted to take th last bus home but we missed it so Aysha and i cabbed while Aini took the bus cause she could. I cabbed to CCK with aysha and met up Afiq to play guitar heroes at his crib. wooo.

All in all, i got home at 6, decided to sleep but could not because i was/am too excited for school so i decided to watch MTV'S breakfast club and made myself a sandwich. I slept at like 10? and u so dont wanna know what time i woke up.

Today, i met up with dzul and nazmi for supper and guitar hero-ed after that.
K i wanna plan a checklist for school tml. Bye!

2009-04-15T01:22:00.002+08:00

Cousin Nigel turned 21 this year and is he lucky or what? He had his birthday dinner at Park Royal Hotel and invited th whole family down!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY COUSIN.

And he brought his whole water polo team mates down too. HAHAH. Such eye candy ;)

I honestly dont know anyone in this pic except for th very tanned guy beside me and Nigel who is th tallest. Everyone else are cousins on his side.

I think he's good looking eh. This picture does him no justice.

My aunts and cousins.

BYE.

2009-04-14T04:23:00.003+08:00

I was supposed to go to goldmart today and eat crickets but majorities of the stores were closed. I guess it's cause its some Thai new years' today. People were throwing water and powder at eachother. okayyy...

So , so much for that ): Made me nervous for nothing.

Forget about that, maybe next time.. moving on, i watched Fast and Furious today!! I didnt like it-_- There was SO LITTLE RACES OK! LIKE WHAT.. 2? It shouldn't be called F&F uh.

I heard part 5 is coming out next yr or something.

That's all i can say for now. Bye all.

2009-04-12T06:21:00.004+08:00

Mine Friday. Prata house then Mustafa(to get something) then East Coast

The best part?

....

Seeing Dzul fall off the bike when his bro was showing off his skills.

His crammed/babylike face before crying was priceless.

Not that he cried uh. he didnt.

Talking on the phone to Vanessa. She got herself a boyfriend! After four long years of dryspells. haha.

okayyyyyy. Guess they were drunk.
-----

Mine saturday was spent at home. I was a very goodgirl today and daddy cooked. Like finally, HOME COOKED FOOD!

then i went to meet dzul at night to play guitar heroes which by the way is the best game besides Left Four Dead. Okay uh, i just couldnt stay home all day, i just cant.

BYE.

2009-04-10T20:08:00.005+08:00

So mine Wednesday was awesome. I went to th zoo after so long and i still get amazed every time i go there. I got there ard 12? and went home at 5pm, got changed, had a little rest and went out again to meet my friends to play some board games at Clark Quay and kill time.

I loved my wednesday
♥

I loved feeding the goats. They are so adorable and smell really bad but i think i can put up with that smell. i want a goat.

No comments.

Damn it i forgot this monkey's name but it came to contact with me! It was really hard cause everytime i came near it scurried off but i just stretched out my hand for a while and it sniffed it!

I also want that monkey.

2 cute kangaroos.

RAWR. This is such a sexy animal.

heh

They were mine favourite. These otters were making squealing noises and they actually looked at the ppl who were like checking them out, not like some other animals

I want them! ):

I went to Cathay to watch Fast & Furious yesterday but this guy right, was super late so we all (4 of us) ended up watching Knowing. I didn't like the idea of watching some 'Steven Speilberg'/ Sci-fi kinda movie at first cause i really wanted to watch fast and furious cause im not really into these kinda racing movies but once im interested, its hard to get me disinterested, but i am so glad i watched this. It's something relating to the end of the world and Aliens. So yeah, had suppers at Carl's Jr and off to home.

I'M-GETTING-OVER-THIS STAGE

2009-04-08T19:42:00.005+08:00

This was mine Monday.
i don't know what i would do without these monkeys.
much more to add on, i shall continue later. tata.

2009-04-06T04:40:00.004+08:00

Hey world, I know my previous entry was not really erm, specific. I've been rather quiet these few days cause i've been needing time to think about things(alot of things) occuring in my life.

I'd prefer to keep things a little private for a while.

And to my surprise, AYSHA..... you are the sweetest ever ok? i couldn't help but cry looking through your post in my blog. I promise we'll talk about all the she-bang that is going on with me soon.

And tags are honestly, very powerful. As in, they are great motivaters/tors and every time i wanted to turn back into his arms, i reminded myself of all the support (and mine personal reasons too of course) i had.

I'm still not ready to party and face th world uh. But i'm trying my best to progress fast because i dont like being in this melancholy state. I guess the best thing that'll work for me now is the company of my friends.

Wer U'd go??....I Miss You so!

2009-04-06T01:00:00.009+08:00

Hey Steph!! Yea I know that I'm not supposed to do this but I think I've no choice. Are you ok? Please call me up & share anything with me. If you are facing any problems or if there anything that pissed you off that you'd wanna share with me? You didn't text me anymore, call or come online. I miss laughing, be mad at you for your fickleness, bitching bout people/stuff and hang out or paint our nails together.

About your recent post, Is it the end of you and him? How come you didn't share this with me? :s Can you please put your EGO aside and talk to me or something cause I don't want you to keep yourself away from me just because of him or what other reason you have. Even if you're feeling hurt, sad or confuse. I'm always here if you need a shoulder to cry on or a listening ears.

I want to be there for you just like you did for me.

Went for a night swim together when Cak ditched me.

You make me do silly stuff right after you pissed me -.-

We imitate/insult people who make us hate them.
Get drunk & do stupid stuff together hehe :p

We even spent time together on Valentine's instead of spending time with our loves one.

Organizing & celebrating my Happy Big Day :D

So if you read this~ please don't be self- centered and keep everything to yourself cause I'm still your BBG even though I'm a lil naggy at times right? And yes I can't wait to hear stories from you. So better holla me up & kip in touch ok!!

&& I'm sorry once again for loging in your account like a stalker. BUT I'm NOT ok!! Heh Cause you know right that I'll always do what I like?? :p

♥ ♥, Aysha `d *Bunny Smile*

2009-04-04T17:13:00.003+08:00

Yes, i am always negative thinking when it comes to you. I think you are too good for me. I am very happy to have spent my 4 years with you. Some ups, some downs. I love you, well, i loved you but its no use forcing something that will never work. I didn't give up on you, i just saw reality. So please, wipe those tears off your eyes and cry for something or someone much worthwhile. I honestly hate myself for leaving you in this state.