but what if there were more to this.

hey im back. just thought of blogging abit more cause im bored out of my mind.
truth is, im really sad today.
i had instances where tears rolled down my cheeks but i told myself to suck it up and stop.
i once heard (from a movie i think), that if we feel sad, we should just cry and let it all out.
thing is, i used to do that.
but bull-ish, crying has never gotten me anywhere. never did, never will.
crying is such a pussy thing to do.

why am i sad you might ask?
because i know something.
actually i knew it ages ago.
but like i said in my post below, im too afraid to face th truth.
i found out that i need to make a decision quick because dangling onto this is making things worst.

This person, is a very powerful person. He makes me feel sad very easily. So easily that at times i think im so silly for letting him overpower me. This person also makes me very happy. He knows everything i like but getting a happy pill from him is hard. Sometimes it feels like it needs to be earned.
He is also really weak at times.
He is too weak to see how i notice his ways. Like how he sleeps like a log, or how he gels his hair or how he always needs to smoke after certain things that he does or how he checks if anyone is looking after we kiss. He is too weak to see what i try to do at times.
Me and him? we are from different worlds. We have a few things we hate about eachother, but i have put my differences aside.
What does a person need to do more to get appreciated? Words are just words. It would be nice to be sincerely,genuinely appreciated once in a while. These things keep me going!
Its a love-hate situation. I do not know how i got myself into this but all i know is i want to get out of this mess with or without you by my side.

I, Stephanie Gomes Tay, deserve the best and only the best. This isnt because i am proud, but this is because i love myself too fcking much to settle for anything less. I promise myself, to never shrug off things that hurt me. I will not love because of sympathy, company or enjoyment. I will love because of love.